Escaping the Run Around
Greetings All!
While I am still getting my barring’s on this platform and my new hobby of writing, I have been contemplating a lot about what I’d like to share with the world. I’ve been doing this more so with every aspect of my life, as if I have reached a new level of existence without any prior knowledge yet all these ideas about where I’d like to go. I’m not sure if it is a phase of growing up or a season of undoing but I’ve been very stagnant and finally feel I can break-free from the chains that have been holding me hostage for so long. Rather than unloading my thoughts and my reoccurring patterns I fall into, I am going on a limb to document the actions to propel me farther in my existence and maybe even encounter some fun along the way.
I am a former drug addict/alcoholic, sober nine years, and now two children and a fiancé later I feel as if I’m finally coming to. It’s as if my life was in shambles from my teenage years into my twenties, then by a MIRACLE I adapted this new way of life but decided to pick up any and every responsibility I could. These amazing gifts simultaneously distracted me from ever really changing key parts of myself that needed attention. So I sit here now, 33 years old feeling like I am still in high school, questioning how it is I am supposed to live responsibly and be happy and free. The dream most people have but I lost my compass and have been waiting on someone to find it for me. Spoiler alert, that happens to be me!
So welcome to my journey into the world of trying new things, reframing my internal dialogue, saying “yes”, and showing up even when everything inside of me screams no. I’ve done a lot of this before and am aware I will not do this perfectly, however, my hope is to make this journey something I don’t have to do alone and this platform may keep me accountable.
The things that stand in my way.
Social Media- Disclaimer, these platforms are not bad, it is truly how you chose to spend your time and the purpose behind it. Personally, I get trapped in the doom scrolling and the false hood of thinking I am connected to a million people when truly I only speak to a handful of them. This disconnection for me is pretty recent yet substantial. I have been off of Instagram and Facebook, the only two platforms I used, for almost two months now. This disconnection has urged me to find time to spend in other places that could be more productive. Do I miss the connection to the people I am not as personable with? Yes, sometimes. However, I am much more inclined to write than to doom scroll, which is HUGE!
My phone (in general)- I have kids, a fiancé that works most nights, my family I talk to frequently, and my camera which captures a ton of moments. With that, my phone becomes a huge issue. I find myself carrying it with me in each room I go to, as if I am waiting on a life changing phone call that I could miss at any moment. It is a part of me that I deeply want to disconnect from. The importance of it holds weight because truthfully everyone lives a distance away so I can’t reach them by knocking on their door or sending a letter, however the attachment is something I really am being pushed to work on. Ringer can be up, text messages can go unanswered, the “important” calls or emails will be attended to but it doesn’t have to be right away. The freedom of being present is what I am after but cannot be achieved if I am always somewhere else.
TV- The central part of our household, and almost every house I’ve been to. I love TV! I am a movie fanatic! I am someone that finds comfortability in watching tv as if it were my favorite book or blanket. The amount of television I have consumed in the past few years is disgusting. Yes, I should probably rephrase that but it is such a time suck that I am trying to break. Ever since streaming has become so accessible, shows can be watched from beginning to end, I’ve been hooked. Family tv night, watching a show here and there, and being excited to see something is perfectly fine, I take it to extremes.
Smoking- My last vice, other than caffeine and sugar but stop judging me. I have been smoking cigarettes since I was in high school, maybe even before. I watched my dad do it, my friends did it, we were cool and didn’t listen to any of the warning signs. Fast forward 20 years, I have had bouts of quitting during my pregnancies and knew I wouldn’t be done forever but it’s the last thing hanging on to my “old self”. Again, I am not demeaning anyone who smokes but for me I can feel the poison every time I smoke one. It needs to go.
Sugar and Caffeine- I paused on this section for a minute because frankly it needs to be looked at but I’m really not ready to. I recently self-diagnosed myself with PMDD ( a whole other article) whos symptoms can be greatly alleviated by limiting these two things. The only reason I am looking at them is because I struggle bad with these symptoms and I need to find relief. Cutting back is all I can say about them now but eventually I plan to try to cut out almost entirely. One thing at a time.
Making a plan
Turn the ringer on and put the phone down, you’ll hear it if someone needs you.
Don’t turn on the TV during the day.
Write something, journal or self help.
Read the book you started.
Do something to move your body daily.
Try to eat more consciously, healthier options.
Tell yourself what a badass you are, be happy with whatever you accomplish.
Tracking my progress
Keep track of what your doing and how you feel.
Be honest and forgiving.
Do your best.
One thing at a time.
Watch yourself without judgment.
Obviously, I am a self-taught, yet very educated on people’s experiences, self-help human. This hasn’t been researched, this isn’t the scientific way to go about things but this is how I personally am going to reframe my days.
Today is February 12, 2024
I made a plan to come home and do yoga, then write.
I did the 20 minute beginners yoga and then sat down and wrote this.
I drank a smoothie.
Played with my kids, didn’t turn on the tv until the end of the night, phone down.
Read a chapter of my book.
Wrote a to-do list for tomorrow.
My list for tomorrow isn’t huge but two practical things I can follow thru with and then I will go from there. No promises, no committing to doing this for the rest of my life but just an honest try to do this for my mental health and longevity. Join me if you will on this journey to see what changes, what I learn about myself, and see if I can keep incorporating something of substance everyday!
Thanks for reading :)